Learning through the joy and pain of letting to...
"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to leave you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure;
You really are strong, you really do have worth.
And you learn, and you learn
With every goodbye you learn."
...and here is a re-write by someone who said that the above poem is total crap
n]]We must never, ever, throw the baby out with the bathwater![/i]
“After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and letting go of self,
And you learn that it’s okay to lean on others
And sometimes you need the security of companionship.
And you begin to learn that some kisses are meant as contracts
And, sometimes, a present is a promise of friendship and fidelity,
And you begin to accept that you are successful
With your head up and your eyes open
With the confidence of a woman, not the insecurity of a child,
And you learn to build your roads towards tomorrow
Because today is just a path towards where you want to be
And your future is what you choose to make of it.
After a while you learn…
That the bright light of day helps a soul grow and flourish.
So you plant your garden and decorate your soul,
But you love and appreciate the people who bring you flowers.
You learn that you really can be loved…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth…
And you learn and learn…
With every hello,
With every goodbye,
With every day you live,
I think that both are valid perspectives which can lead one's self to more personal growth and thereby more freedom of self in the long run - but I somehow feel that the first may be more self- and other oriented in regards to true caring, which in my book makes for more independence and mature relationships through personal self-awareness, struggle and growth.
As for the second, after having learned and experienced what the first really means, it shows a balance between healthy independence and inter-dependence...which is not always easy to arrive at. But for myself, if one practices the first, they may flow into the second.
I somehow feel though that one must be careful and vigilant not to tip the scales of independence-interdependence, where doing so, one might flow into the extreme of unhealthy dependency, out of fear, loneliness, and a lack of self-identity.....or flow into unhealthy independence, out of fear of losing their sense of self and individuality, where one becomes an 'island unto their own self". Both are two sides of the same coin.